A beautiful summer day

     Like the rest of the country we are enjoying unseasonably warm weather and gorgeous days. Flowers are blooming, cardinals are singing, trees are budding, forsythia is glowing, and my eyes are itching from spring allergies. But I feel great and am very thankful for every day that I can say that. If it wasn't for digestion issues I could say I feel normal - like I don't even have cancer. I am back to my regular work schedule. The only pills I take are Creon with every meal. Made from pig pancreases, they provide the enzymes that aid my digestion since my pancreas is compromised.
     We are anticipating good weather and good times during our trip to MN and SD. We fly out of Harrisburg this Thursday and return on Tuesday, April 3. The next day, April 4, I will have a CT scan to determine the status of the mass on the pancreas and the effectiveness of the chemo and radiation.

In case you forgot or are wondering what we look like these days, here's a photo of us on a much colder day last week in Lewes, DE.

We enjoyed fresh-squeezed orange and tangerine juice during our Lewes weekend thanks to Jan and Rich Landes who brought them back from their recent trip to Florida. What a treat! Fortunately, I have no diet restrictions, so I should be able to sample all the Schmeckfest fare.

    What reading I've done has mostly been newspapers and magazines, including Sports Illustrated, New York Magazine and Atlantic Monthly. I have really been enjoying poetry, especially the book of poems Sky Lines and Wood Smoke by South Dakota poet Badger Clark. I read his poems when I was in the eighth grade or so but didn't appreciate them then like I do now. Music-wise, lately I've been listening to jazz pianist Hiromi. Click here to hear a piano solo by her.

     Thanks to all my amazing family and friends for your concern over me, It is deeply appreciated.

     

     

Feeling much, much better

     My radiation oncologist assured me I would feel better a week after the last radiation. And he was spot on. Although I didn't feel good that whole week, finally, last Thursday, the sun poked through the clouds and, for the first time in two months, I didn't feel nauseous and was starting to feel "human" again. I had been taking anti-nausea pills but could tell things had definitely improved for me. So I weaned myself off the pills and low and behold — no nausea. What a great day! And it has stayed that way. I still have digestive issues but feel sooooo much better. I have more energy. Less clouded thinking (at least from my perspective) and an improved outlook. I am going to enjoy this as much as I can.
     Last weekend we joined our church small group at a "retreat" to Lewes, DE, on the DelMarVa Peninsula where a church member kindly offered their summer house near the beach for our use. We drove to Lewes (a 3 hour drive) Friday night and came back Sunday afternoon. It was cold and windy on the beach. We explored Lewes historic district and ate out at "Big Fish" Saturday evening. A good time was had by all.
     We also look forward to traveling to MN and SD before my CT scan the first week of April. We will be flying into Minneapolis which will be our "base camp". From there we will head north to Cass Lake, MN, to visit Barb's family and from there to Freeman, SD, for Schmeckfest and a party honoring my mom's 90th birthday (was Jan. 4) and visiting our friends.
     The ongoing displays of support and offers of help continue to give us tremendous strength and encouragement. I want to hold up Barb's workplace, Mennonite Central Committee, as another vital and important source of support for us. Having worked in the mailroom there for one year I, like Barb, think of them as family. And the thoughtfulness and support has been there for us even though the organization has been, and still is, undergoing some big changes in its structure and size here in Akron. Again, food, rides, gifts, cards, visits, phone calls, etc. have blessed us on this journey.
     Thank you everyone for entering our living with this uninvited guest: cancer. You are significant help for us in practicing carpe diem: seize the day.
     

Finally...chemo and radiation-free

This past Thursday I "graduated" from radiation and it does my spirit good. I really look forward to 4-5 weeks w/o any treatments as it has been a hard slog. Dr. Mackley, my radiation oncologist, seemed very confident that I will start feeling better after a week and that's fine by me! I guess it takes that long for the chemo and radiation to stop working on the mass on my pancreas AND the rest of me.


This weekend I was expecting to feel better, but continue to suffer from digestive issues. Barb and I had our 39th wedding anniversary Saturday. We were married on 3/3/73 at 3 pm in Cass Lake, Minnesota. All I can say is I am one lucky man to have such a nice soul-mate!!


We talked of celebrating by going out to the The Press Room restaurant in Lancaster but, because of my general malaise, we went to the Pancake Farm in Ephrata for late breakfast instead. I had never been to the Pancake Farm and I confessed to Barb that it was on my bucket list. I have driven past this little local Ephrata breakfast joint many times but had never experienced it. It is a very busy, crowded place. I don't think the environment was up to par with The Press Room, but it was fun and in keeping with our historically downgraded anniversary "dinners". One year in Freeman snowy weather kept us for going to Minerva's and we ended up at the VFW for cheeseburger and fries. Another year it was Papa's. Yes, we have established a pattern of pedestrian anniversary dining experiences.  We usually go out for a cheeseburger and beer. This year was a radical change with eggs/pancakes and no beer.


Saturday night we attended a fabulous "PYGfest" fundraiser put on by our church youth group. (PYG=Pilgrim's Youth Group). They had two pigs — one 90 lbs and one 60 lbs — hot-smoked and deboned by youth with some adult help, homemade coleslaw, bbq sauce, organic apple sauce and desserts. It was delicious. The pigs were donated by church members who are farmers. The pigs were from Sweet Stem Farm owned by Phil and Dorcas Horst-Landis who raise only happy uncommonly good livestock. And the applesauce was donated by Scarecrow Hill Community Farm owned by Dave and Peggy Fogarty-Harnisch who also raise uncommonly good organic products.


I must say more about our wonderful faith family here in PA. We attend Pilgrims Mennonite Church which rents the Meeting Place on the MCC campus here in Akron. Pilgrims started as a small splinter group from Akron Mennonite church in the 1970s. It used a home church model and intentionally does not own a building. It has grown over the years and now average attendance is about 70 and the home church idea has been replaced by rows of chairs in the meeting room. It places a high priority on worship (with many participants), small groups, fellowship, retreats and informal meetings.


We have been richly blessed by our sisters and brothers in faith. Their words of encouragement, rides to treatments, food, emails, phone calls and willingness to step in and take over some of our responsibilities has been a tremendous source of strength and comfort for us. We are so happy to surrounded by their love and we love them.


Pilgrim's pastor Barry Kreider shared with me a hymn "By Gracious Powers" that has been meaningful for him and it must be contagious as it is the prayer I have been most frequently going back to in the past few months. The hymn tune used in Germany is different than hymn #552 in the Mennonite Hymnal: A Worship Book. I tried to find a good You-Tube of the hymn but most of them are too schmaltzy. Here is link to the tune on solo piano that I like.


Dietrich Bonhöffer wrote this as a poem from prison for his fiancee and family for Christmas 1944. He was then executed the following April in the Flossenbuerg concentration camp. When he wrote the prayer/poem he already knew that he would die in the camp.

I prefer the German version of the prayer. See the translation below.

Von guten Mächten 

Von guten Mächten treu und still umgeben,
Behütet und getröstet wunderbar,
So will ich diese Tage mit euch leben
Und mit euch gehen in ein neues Jahr.

Noch will das alte unsre Herzen quälen,

Noch drückt uns böser Tage schwere Last.
Ach, Herr, gib unsern aufgescheuchten Seelen
Das Heil, für das du uns bereitet hast.

Und reichst du uns den schweren Kelch, den bittern
Des Leids, gefüllt bis an den höchsten Rand,
So nehmen wir ihn dankbar ohne Zittern
Aus deiner guten und geliebten Hand.

Doch willst du uns noch einmal Freude schenken
An dieser Welt und ihrer Sonne Glanz,
Dann wolln wir des Vergangenen gedenken
Und dann gehört dir unser Leben ganz.

Lass warm und still die Kerzen heute flammen,
Die du in unsre Dunkelheit gebracht.
Führ, wenn es sein kann, wieder uns zusammen.
Wir wissen es, dein Licht scheint in der Nacht.

Wenn sich die Stille nun tief um uns breitet,
So lass uns hören jenen vollen Klang
Der Welt, die unsichtbar sich um uns weitet,
All deiner Kinder hohen Lobgesang.

Von guten Mächten wunderbar geborgen,
Erwarten wir getrost, was kommen mag.
Gott ist mit uns am Abend und am Morgen
Und ganz gewiss an jedem neuen Tag.

Here is an English translation of four verses as found in HWB. Note: this is four of the seven stanzas. The last stanza (in German above) is the most often quoted and is the first in the hymnbook. I'll let you match the other three verses with the German.

By gracious powers 

By gracious powers so wonderfully sheltered,
  And confidently waiting come what may,
we know that God is with us night and morning,
  and never fails to greet us each new day.

Yet is this heart by its old foe tormented,
  Still evil days bring burdens hard to bear;
Oh, give our frightened souls the sure salvation
  for which, O Lord, You taught us to prepare.

And when this cup You give is filled to brimming
  With bitter suffering, hard to understand,
we take it thankfully and without trembling,
  out of so good and so beloved a hand.

Yet when again in this same world You give us
  The joy we had, the brightness of Your Sun,
we shall remember all the days we lived through,
  and our whole life shall then be Yours alone.