Woe is me.
I'm not sure what that means. But I do know it is time to dust off the old blog!
This blog has more dust on it than my nightstand which, thanks to a fossil fuel-energized boiler has it's own fair share of grime on it. I was always told how clean hot water heat is, but have learned from experience that the need to clean increases with cold weather and the rattle-trap boiler running. Fuel oil is by far my least favorite energy source.
How is Ricky doing? Does the long absence portend problems?
The answer is the usual cancer "good news/bad news" thing.
Frankly, I just needed a blog break. I know I owe all you friends news updates and the last post has gone moldy. Posting to the blog just hasn't been a high priority. Sometimes a quiet interlude can be restful and peaceful. Think of me as having been on a Sabbatical or personal retreat.
My retirement from work was Nov. 14, a little more than one week ago. We had a farewell party catered and it was bittersweet. If I had my druthers I would have kept working but the energy level keeps dwindling and even 4-5 hours a day was often a challenge for me.
A co-worker asked what I was going to do with my new free time. "Kick Cancer," I answered, not really knowing what I will do or how I will handle being at home so much of my remaining time.
So after "skipping" a few chemo sessions because of feeling crappy, I resumed chemo again Nov. 19 and am scheduled for another infusion tomorrow. I am also taking the oral chemo tablets. The combination leaves me feeling ill much of the time. But I hope it is helping to "kick cancer".
The problem is: cancer kicks back. I have very little muscle left and virtually no fat on my bones. My weight loss has finally stopped at about 140 lb. in my birthday suit. Thank God for that. My pointy bones are a nuisance, especially my tail bone for sitting and my ribs for napping and my knock knees for fetal position sleeping. (I need to put a pillow or quilt between my legs so my knees don't bonk each other)
In summary, I feel my illness keeps taking a downward direction. Yet, far as we know it is still localized to the pancreas and hasn't invaded any other part of my innards yet. A CAT scan next month will hopefully confirm that.
My blood tumor marker has drifted upward a bit, but then I was off chemo for over a month.
I continue to have horrific digestive problems which are probably my #1 source of pain and discomfort.
My appetite is still good and I eat pretty much whatever I like and it doesn't seem to change the digestive problems.
I haven't had any pneumonia, colds or the like.
My broken back is healed and the associated pain has totally disappeared.
I am often very cold - shivering - and need the t'stat turned up. Hot tubs and hot showers and saunas I crave. (More fuel oil burned for hot water!!!)
I have difficulty sleeping when on oral chemo which is not fun. I have taken sleeping pills but am cautious due their habit forming tendencies.
So that is a blow-by-blow of how I am. Weak, tired, but still kicking.
FYI —Today (Tuesday before Thanksgiving) marks the third anniversary of the phone call from my family physician, Dr. Oh, that I have a mass on my pancreas. I will never forget what a dark day that was. The "official" cancer diagnosis came just before Christmas 2011 - three years ago. I am thankful for having lived this long and have exceeded the normal life expectancy of those with pancreatic cancer.
Now — about retirement. So far I haven't felt too bored as I have much to do. The transition from a group health plan from work to Medicare is not going as smoothly as I had hoped and was led to believe and getting answers to questions from Medicare is no simple task. Also, following up on insurance claims is time consuming and tedious. So I have been on the phone and emailing plenty. I have tasks with year-end work on my church Stewardship (read 'budget') Committee which I chair. I need to go through oversize clothes, sell stuff, etc.
So there is lots to do. The problem is I get so little done in a day. Maybe that's good if the work fills the day instead of getting the work done and then going stir crazy!
My biggest concern with quitting work is that I will become depressed and all this "me-time" will cause me to cave in on myself, so to speak. I force myself to go out and take short walks around the bustling borough of Akron and that is helpful, but as winter approaches, I will find that more a "chore" than I may want to do. Who knows?
So I'm not sure about retirement. If I had energy, I could volunteer, but I slowed down too much for that - I think. Maybe not. Maybe something will come up. Until then though I have what seems like a mountain of stuff to tend to. (I know it isn't that much, but it seems like it)
So my request from you is your prayers and wishes that "retirement" does not result in depression.
Being Thanksgiving week it is especially appropriate for me to post my thanks to all you faithful blog followers (I may have lost some readers with this long "lull") and others for your continued support.
Blessings to all,
Ricky
