New REAL problem to DEAL with

I am aware it's been about six weeks since I've posted so here's the latest:

I've been off chemo and struggling with making a decision about ongoing chemotherapy versus committing to strictly palliative care. I had a CT scan last Thursday and thought I would decide on Friday based on the scan and after consulting with my cancer doctor (Yee). My thinking was: if the scan showed tumor stability I would start another round of chemo, or, if it appears to metastasizing I would not do chemo.

As it turns out I postponed making a decision for another month. So March will be chemo-free for me. I meet again with Dr. Yee the first week of April. I kicked the can down the road.

The CT scan showed two significant new developments. First, there is a new 8 mm opacity in the top of my right lung. We don't know if it's cancer and we are not actively seeking to determine that at this time, but something to keep an eye on. Secondly, the scan showed how my abdomen is filled with fluid — it's called ascitic fluid.

I didn't need the scan to know that my abdomen is full of fluid. I came on last Wednesday rather suddenly and is giving me considerable discomfort. I think I now have a sense of what it feels like to be pregnant!

Dr, Yee approved a paracentesis (draining of the fluid) for me this week, but I am still awaiting to hear from the scheduler when it will be!!??!! I would like some relief. My belly is rock hard.

Regardless, this fluid build-up concerns me more than anything. I think it is an indicator of new "chapter" in my journey with this unwelcome guest. They will analyze the fluid after draining and maybe some it will provide some new information. I don't know if I am to expect re-occurrence soon or if at all. It is unclear what causes it, but it seems like cancer victims are prone to this.

The tumor on the top of my pancreas had grown slightly since my last scan in December. It is starting to close off my SMV and SMA (superior mesenteric vein and artery) so new "collateral" vessels are growing around to bypass the restricted vessels.

We discussed other possible treatment including hypothermic intraperitoneal chemotherapy (HIPEC). This procedure is when they take warmed anti-cancer drugs and inject them into the cancerous area of the belly and circulate it and slosh it around in your gut for a short time. But there is nothing planned for now. Yee said the spot on the lung wouldn't change my basic chemo regimen and he would continue with the infusion of Abraxane and pills of Xeloda, as before.

My bowels have improved a little the past two weeks and I'm happy for that. My appetite is good except my gut feels like it has no room for anything!! I've having about 2-3 days a week where I felt really pretty rotten. Then I would rebound and feel good and have good energy for few days until I had another bout of the "flu". It's been an up and down trip - these past two months.

Barb and I purchased airline tickets to go to SoDak the last week of March to visit my mom, our sons from Calif. and Wash., brothers, and other family and friends. It is also the second weekend for Freeman's notorious spring food festival—Schmeckfest. We plan to see the musical "Big River" and take in the meal of German ethnic foods. My prayer is to be on a peak during that time and not in a valley.

Barb has been exceptionally busy with work (Mennonite Disaster Service). She and a co-worker have taken over making volunteer placements, since the Volunteer Placement Coordinator is on a extended maternity leave. On top of that she has her own plate full of projects!

Balancing work and taking care of me have been challenging for Barb. She is scheduled to attend a leadership conference in Canada in April but won't leave me at home alone. My pastor, Barry, suggested we could mount web cams in every corner of every room and Barb could keep an eye on me via the Internet with a "Rickycam". Seriously, son Charles has agreed to come and babysit me again, but we will wait to see if she goes and how I will be monitored.

We are looking at various "lifeline", "help. I've fallen and can't get up" medical alert devices (usually worn around the neck or wrist - but haven't decided which one works best for our situation.

I have kept busy digitizing some of my analog audio and selling off equipment on eBay. It feels good to ship off the equipment but there are headaches with eBay and I don't find it a whole lot of fun. I still have a few items to auction off.

That's the report for now and so glad I could share about my bowels again!!

Thanks for being a faithful follower and supporter of my life.

Rick