Akron man napping his life away

Here is a story I found that may interest some of you:

Napping takes strong grip on 66-year-old Akron man's life

AKRON, PA— A local man has recently turned to napping in a most passionate, obsessive way. Snoozy Schlab seems to succeed in getting some shut-eye at every opportunity possible. Dagwood Bumstead doesn't hold a candle to this latest nap-crazed slumberer.
        Schlab has been found dozing all over the place! He has been found sleeping in countless restful poses. He will catch 40 winks just about anywhere. "He gets off work before I do and when I come home sometimes I have to check every room in the house and the basement to find him," his enabling wife, Babs said. She has found him worthlessly, unabashedly catching Zs in nearly every chair, recliner, or, one of three beds in the home. "Surprisingly, I haven't found him sleeping in the kitchen yet," she remarked. "I haven't found him on top of the washer and dryer only because they are set at right angles to each other. Not side-by-side."
        A lovely and thoughtful woman, but a borderline co-dependent, Babs recently put up a hammock between two trees in the backyard which will certainly further encourage his time-wasting non-activity. She won't have much time to use it, taking care of her narcoleptic sloth of a husband.

        Schlab has been found zonked out in front of the TV with the sound up high loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Often he naps with his laptop open on his lap and his fingers on the keyboard with a display of random keystrokes such as lkjli;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;.

Napping superstar Schlab
caught in a rare awake moment,
but obviously not benefitting
from any "beauty sleep".

        "Napping has become my newest hobby," Schlab brags. "If I could string my naps together I would easily win the Sleep Marathon," he says, oblivious to the fact that there is no such contest. "I find it therapeutic, meditative, relaxing and refreshing, " he adds. "I always wake up feeling renewed and thinking about taking my next nap." Schlab appears totally unaware that he is fast becoming a nearly total non-productive human.
        His previous hobbies include marrying small, nearly used-up bath soap bars to freshly unwrapped new bath bars. "Not a single soap marriage I've done has failed," he boasts. "I even married three bars together at one time."
        Schlab said he does some reading and sudoku puzzles but drifts off when his energy and concentration level get too low. "It doesn't start out too high," he admits.
        At work Schlab says the challenge is napping in front of a computer terminal. Head bobbing is a dead giveaway. Often for breaks he will take short "power naps" in his car now that the weather is warmer.
        When asked if his superfluous daytime napping makes it difficult to sleep through the night, he said he can still squeeze in a good 8-hour snooze-a-thon with only one or two short awakenings during the night.
        Schlab sees himself as a pioneer in reviving the lost and oft-maligned art of napping "Let it be known that napping is a great exercise and adds as much, if not more, to great manliness as a 15-minute workout."
                                                             —30—