How long d'ya got?

Hi y'all!! To the best of my knowledge I still have pancreatic cancer, so I better keep bloggin'.

My personal experience has been that I've always had great trouble approaching and talking to people with health issues, like myself, to ask about their condition... to express my interest and concern for their wellness. Oh ... what to say?

Now that I have cancer, I am more keenly aware of how people articulate their regard, support and encouragement. "You're lookin' good" is a favorite I often hear said to me and also to other people battling cancer or other health problems. And I like hearing that. But the irony of that comment is that no one ever told me that I looked good when I didn't have cancer. I don't think I look better now than when cancer-free. Barb often heard the same comment when she dealt with breast cancer three times. It's become an inside joke between several cancer survivors/cancer fighters we know. "Well, you're sure looking good", we tell each other emphatically. I repeat: I don't mind being told I look good. No one has offended me with any comments. I want to be as transparent and open as possible about my situation.

A few months ago a friend from Pilgrims Mennonite church were we attend, asked me a question most people, including myself, usually don't ask: "How long d'ya got?" he asked boldly. He wanted to know when my train will be stopping at the station. I hadn't heard that direct an inquiry before. It was kinda' refreshing in a way. "What'd your doctor tell you?" he added. I paused and tried to recall doctor conversations, but was unable to give an answer. "I don't think he ever really said," I replied. "I'll ask him at my next appointment."

The smart aleck response would have been to ask the question back - since none of us knows "how long we've got." But I took that question at it's face value and think it's a reasonable question to ask someone with cancer. Not everyone could ask this question though. This fellow Pilgrim has a very winsome personality. He's very friendly and unassuming. He has a twinkle in his eye that helps make this kind of question okay.

Well ... at my next appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Yee, I told him how I'm being asked how long I can expect to live and asked him what he thinks about my ETD (estimated time of departure). "Tell them I have no idea," he quickly responded.  Good answer, doc.

There are, of course, statistics on pancreatic cancer patients that are very sobering. But they are all about percentages and odds. For example, Wikipedia says: "pancreatic cancer has a poor prognosis: for all stages combined, the 1- and 5-year relative survival rates are 25% and 6%, respectively; for local disease the 5-year survival is approximately 20% while the median survival for locally advanced and for metastatic disease, which collectively represent over 80% of individuals, is about 10 and 6 months respectively." I seem to still be in the "local disease" stage. At least I am hoping for that.

The Journal of Clinical Oncology says: Pancreatic cancer, one of the most common gastrointestinal tumors, has a 5-year survival of less than 5%. Despite representing only 2% to 3% of the total cancer incidence, it is the fourth leading cause of cancer death in the United States. 

In one week I will be observing my first anniversary of diagnosis. I am really enjoying not taking chemo. I feel great and am starting to think that I may beat those gloomy statistics. I think it's absolutely amazing how good I feel. I don't want to become over confident, but I know I still have some good time left. I really should add some more things to my "bucket list". At first I was keeping it short so it would be manageable and doable. I am so looking forward to being with family over Christmas in Freeman and then Fresno and then on the Pacific Ocean near Santa Cruz, CA for a few days. I can hardly contain myself and its looking like I will last at least that long!!

This week I will be having a CT scan in Hershey on Wednesday and followup oncology appointment on Friday to learn the results of the scan. Hopefully the tumor is remaining inactive and there is no cancer popping up elsewhere. I will report on this blog what I learn and what treatment, if any, the doctor recommends.

So ... contractionally speaking and in an apostrophorical sense ... I dunno' how long I've got. But I want to thank you for your support which helps keep me from being told "it's only a matter of days" ... even though it just may be only a matter of days.