Remembering Ricky.....the final post

This will be the final post on Deal with the Real. My wish is that Remembering Ricky will serve as an archive of reader and followers final comments, perspectives, thoughts, quotes, wisdom or sermons. Charles, Adam and I will enjoy hearing from you and will cherish this blog and your comments now and in the future. The photo below was taken on March 28. It will forever be a precious reminder of how fortunate I am to have these men in my life. 

Google stats are amazing. They keep track of who is viewing, from where and how often the pages on Deal with the Real are viewed. 

Rick labored over writing each post. In a November 2013 issue titled Two years and counting..... he wrote, "Writing a blog is not easy for me and honestly not that much fun. I resonated with the feeling shared by a fellow cancer blogger who wrote that if he had known he was going to live this long he would not have started blogging so soon!! But, I AM happy to share great news and, when it comes, will share the sad news as well."

Deal with the Real has 70 official followers  but it's evident more were reading. Rick often wondered how people stumbled onto it. He also wondered why so few people left  written comments.  Many people gave him feedback directly encouraging him to keep writing. He would have enjoyed more written responses, ones that he could savor or ponder by going back to them when he was discouraged. Norway, Russia, France??? Thank you Google for helping to keep track of Deal with the Real readers. 
 
Rick would be skeptical, but also approving, of the Celebration of Life Service we have planned in his memory on April 8. I think he would also appreciate the photo we selected and the lyrics to this lovely song that was sent to me by a dear friend in the darkest hours of this journey.  Its not that we think he wouldn't approve of the service itself. His skepticism would be toward the use of technology needed to successfully hold a joint service between Pilgrims Mennonite in Akron, PA and Salem-Zion Mennonite in Freeman, SD. Hopefully he is watching over this event and people on both sides will have a good experience. 

Our family wishes to convey sincerest appreciation for your prayers and support throughout Ricky's 40-month journey with pancreatic cancer. It was especially important to us in his last days while we were traveling in Freeman. He was a wonderful man and will be dearly missed. There will always be an empty chair at our table. 

Memorial gifts may be designated to Ricky’s Tuba Fund at Freeman Academy. With band director, Donna Ries, he agreed that his memorial would be use to purchase a new tuba. Checks may be sent directly to Freeman Academy at PO Box 1000, Freeman, SD 57029 or to Barb Schrag at 16 South 12th Street, Apt A, Akron, PA 17501. Thank you in advance for your generosity.

Synchronicity

My brother-in-law Steve Hagenah (married to my sister Becky) has been in  law enforcement  for over 40 years. I've always admired the sacrifices he made to keep watch over the community he was assigned to.  He said something once that stuck hard - "When you keep running into coincidences it probably means you're on the right path.” From his perspective he was referring  to criminal events. Regardless of that it stuck with me and I apply it to life events. 

In these recent days 'coincidence' has been waiting to greet us around every corner. Depending on your point of view you might prefer to call these events good luck, good karma, a miracle, a God moment or divine intervention. 

When Rick and I left Akron on March 26 it hadn't crossed my mind that we would not return to Pennsylvania together.  After all we had round-trip tickets and everyone knows those are non-refundable. Of course we would make the return trip. We purchased a few rings of Schmeckfest sausage and a poppy seed roll. On Thursday April 8 we would prepare a Schmeckfest feast for our small group. A nice bottle of wine is the only non-authentic item we would add to meal. Then we would celebrate Good Friday at Pilgrims, prepare our taxes (April 15 is nearing), and Rick would get back to his hit list of items to sell on Ebay and Craigslist. I would return to work at MDS. That's how things would go. 

Today we know that's not how it played out. On Wednesday morning, Charles, Adam and I sat, watching and waiting, observing Rick's breath - in and out. Slow, oh so slow and then quick. He was relaxed and appeared at peace. On Thursday morning, after the nurses freshened his bedding and shifted his position, he said in a clear and natural voice, "Thank you." It is was the last thing I heard from him. It will remain a great memory. 

At 2:30 am Friday, a change in his breathing woke me. It came in short and went out long. I called the nurse and she assured me that calling Adam and Charles would be the right thing to do. The three of us spent the rest of the night together at the hospital, falling in an out of sleep and observing his breath. By morning it seemed normal again so Adam went to see how his family was doing. Charles and I stayed at the hospital. Shortly before 9:00 am Charles noticed that his breathing had quickened. The doctor could not feel a pulse and his BP was undetectable. Around 9 he took his last breath. His life with cancer was done. He was in the healing arms of Jesus.  

More than 300 people read the End of the Line post. Just knowing you are out there interested in this journey has offered us strength to stay the path. Thank you.      
 - Barb Schrag

End of the line...

The first issue of Deal with the Real, titled Here’s the deal…., appeared about 40 months ago. Today Barb and Charles are posting blog #80 on his behalf. The date at the top may lead you to think this might be an April Fool’s joke, rest assured it is not. 

Speaking of April Fools jokes — The best one in my (Barb) memory is from 1987. Rick worked for the Freeman Courier, an award winning weekly newspaper that went to press every Tuesday and was on the local newsstands by Wednesday morning. April 1, 1987 fell on a Wednesday giving Editor Tim Waltner, Rick and other staff the perfect opportunity to create an April Fools front page. Back then, I thought it was the most clever publication I’d ever seen. I reread it today and still think the same. You can enjoy that issue here. 

Now for the “its no joke” part of this blog.  On March 26, Rick and I traveled to Freeman filled with the anticipation of attending Schmeckfest and spending time with family. The weekend was greatly enhanced by the presence of our children, various members of my family and Susan Schrag’s family, some of Rick's cousins, aunts, uncles and a great bunch of nieces and nephews.  A small brunch we had organized for Saturday morning with Rick's mom at the Salem Home turned into a "Speckfest" (Speck is the local moniker for the Orlando Schrag family). In all 44 people came. It was a great party.

As each day of the weekend passed Rick's health deteriorated. By Monday morning it became clear that he was in no shape to fly. A trip to the Freeman Regional Hospital ER confirmed what we were beginning to suspect — the disease would win this round. Freeman is where we will stay until his life ends. His kidneys have stopped functioning, the BP is very low. As one doctor said, “everything is out of wack”.

He is comfortable, resting in a room that once served the hospital as a birthing suite. He is sedated to keep the pain in check. Although, dying in Freeman was not what we anticipated it is turning out to be a 'divinely' laid plan in so many ways. As I write this his 93-year-old mother and eldest brother are sitting by his bedside. Charles said, “grandma, even though he is not responding we think he can hear you”. She said, “Its ok, I am happy to sit here, just to be near him.

We are most fortunate to have supportive communities around us in both Akron, PA and Freeman, SD. Many Freeman friends and family have come to visit and have brought food to our hosts home. Our East Coast friends have texted well wishes and prayers, picked up our mail, rescued our car from long-term parking, hacked Rick’s computer for some important documents and various other good deeds. Rick appears to enjoy short visits and occasionally responds.  We are encouraging brief visits for those who want to say farewell to him.

We will try to keep you posted as these next days pass. Rick wanted us to post for him today. Before he became somewhat unresponsive he dictated a few lines to Charles. Rather than weave them into this blog I decided to list them here. 

"I want you’s all (you’s all is an East Coast colloquialism that Rick doesn’t really care for) to know that my trip to Freeman was successful."

"It went smoothly, but down-hill after I got here. I had to make a decision about the future. I’m glad I’m in Freeman and not mid-flight in Chicago. My kidneys are in acute failure and my organs are shutting down."

"I knew the day was coming, but I didn’t expect it to be this quick."

"The train is coming to the station and it’s just about to stop. We thought maybe this trip was just another spur, but it’s actually the end of the line"

More and more "potholes"

Spring 2015 started today with the vernal equinox — although it hardly felt like it in the Eastern US (which includes Pennsylvania) where winter made an unwelcome comeback. Temps are well below "normal" and we have had intermittent snow for most of the day with temps hovering around 32°F. It's not really any problem. We have enough bread and milk to survive this inconvenience. However, like others who live here, I like to complain about the weather even if I have much bigger issues to deal with!! I am ready for normal or higher temps and some sunlight, but the forecast for the next seven days is highs only near 40°F.

That introductory paragraph is how Amish correspondents to The Budget start their weekly news column — with a weather report!! The Budget is an Amish newspaper based out of Sugarcreek Ohio, I believe. I enjoy reading it when I can find a copy.

Here's a short snort about what condition my condition is in:

Bottom line: I continue to have good days and bad days and am unable to dictate which, when and why. When I am sick it really knocks me down. It is definitely gut-related and I have several new medications to maybe help fill the "potholes" that are not only now dotting the PA highways, but also knocking me "off the road".

Yesterday Barb and I had our third visit with a Palliative Care Doctor (Dr. Probolus) in Lancaster City. Palliative care is focused on providing patients with relief from the symptoms, pain and stress of a serious illness—regardless the prognosis.

He suggested and prescribed a steroid that may improve my general feeling of well-being globally. It will take a few weeks to see if it works. He assured me it will not bulk me up. Don't expect me to transform into Arnold Schwartzenegger.

I continue to slowly decline in strength, balance and comfort. The train seems to keep slowing down.

We also decided that I would start using home hospice care; staring with maybe one home visit per week and exploring options going forward (or is it backwards, in this case??). The hospice nurse will help with making assessments of me and our house, etc. I feel very good about this decision; as does Barb since demands on her at her job at Mennonite Disaster Service have increased due to co-worker's maternity leave. Yesterday a big burden was lifted from her shoulders as a decision was made to postpone a MDS conference that was scheduled in Canada in April. Hospice care will help Barb as well as she balances her work with my helplessness. Hospice should reduce the time she worries how I am doing.

A week ago Saturday Barb and I went to the Ephrata Hospital ER because I was so weak, sick and had no appetite. Barb diagnosed me as dehydrated. I concurred. And we were correct. When I came in my BP was like 72/60 and as the saline dripped my BP went up and was just 95/?? when I went home FIVE HOURS LATER.

But who cares how long it took. I felt much better. I am drinking plenty of fluids, but my body just doesn't adsorb it (or is it absorb??. I hate that I can't keep these straight. Anyone with a mnemonic or tip for correct usage please email or call me to discuss). Anyway, the fluid simply "goes through me".

I believe I will discontinue chemotherapy and focus on comfort.

Barb and I still plan to fly to SD next Wed. March 26 (and return Mon. March 30) to visit my family and now some of Barb's family which is also converging on the little town with the big ethnic meal (Schmeckfest. google it)

I look forward to this with some trepidation. Barb is quite worried about the air travel Yes, we will have O'Hare!!. I am more worried I'll make the trip okay but may have my "bad days" while there.
I don't like the fact that I can't gorge myself at the meal and on chislic at the local bar.

We plan to see the musical Big River Thursday eve and have the family-style meal on Saturday night. We also plan to have a private family brunch in the Salem Home, where my 93-year-old mother, Verda, lives.

March 5 I had paracentesis done in which they drained lots of excess fluid from my abdomen. I filled and one-half liter-sized jugs. The use a needle in my side. The fluid was analyzed and didn't show other active cancer action.

I have remained busy enough that I don't have any serious bouts with depression except when I am too sick to even work on my projects.

They include: getting income tax package to tax preparer, selling some more stuff on Craigslist and eBay, watching NCAA mens basketball, labeling pill bottles for quick dispensing, solving soduko or sudoko puzzles (NOT THE KNIFE—this falls in the same category as 'absorb' and 'adsorb'), going to the bathroom, filling out insurance applications, etc.

As usual I write too much and dish out some very boring information ... but ...  inquiring minds want to know.

Your prayers and kind thoughts, words and deeds are the "coal" that fuels this old steam engine and—along with the pills—helps keep it going down the track.

Keep shoveling.

/Rick

New REAL problem to DEAL with

I am aware it's been about six weeks since I've posted so here's the latest:

I've been off chemo and struggling with making a decision about ongoing chemotherapy versus committing to strictly palliative care. I had a CT scan last Thursday and thought I would decide on Friday based on the scan and after consulting with my cancer doctor (Yee). My thinking was: if the scan showed tumor stability I would start another round of chemo, or, if it appears to metastasizing I would not do chemo.

As it turns out I postponed making a decision for another month. So March will be chemo-free for me. I meet again with Dr. Yee the first week of April. I kicked the can down the road.

The CT scan showed two significant new developments. First, there is a new 8 mm opacity in the top of my right lung. We don't know if it's cancer and we are not actively seeking to determine that at this time, but something to keep an eye on. Secondly, the scan showed how my abdomen is filled with fluid — it's called ascitic fluid.

I didn't need the scan to know that my abdomen is full of fluid. I came on last Wednesday rather suddenly and is giving me considerable discomfort. I think I now have a sense of what it feels like to be pregnant!

Dr, Yee approved a paracentesis (draining of the fluid) for me this week, but I am still awaiting to hear from the scheduler when it will be!!??!! I would like some relief. My belly is rock hard.

Regardless, this fluid build-up concerns me more than anything. I think it is an indicator of new "chapter" in my journey with this unwelcome guest. They will analyze the fluid after draining and maybe some it will provide some new information. I don't know if I am to expect re-occurrence soon or if at all. It is unclear what causes it, but it seems like cancer victims are prone to this.

The tumor on the top of my pancreas had grown slightly since my last scan in December. It is starting to close off my SMV and SMA (superior mesenteric vein and artery) so new "collateral" vessels are growing around to bypass the restricted vessels.

We discussed other possible treatment including hypothermic intraperitoneal chemotherapy (HIPEC). This procedure is when they take warmed anti-cancer drugs and inject them into the cancerous area of the belly and circulate it and slosh it around in your gut for a short time. But there is nothing planned for now. Yee said the spot on the lung wouldn't change my basic chemo regimen and he would continue with the infusion of Abraxane and pills of Xeloda, as before.

My bowels have improved a little the past two weeks and I'm happy for that. My appetite is good except my gut feels like it has no room for anything!! I've having about 2-3 days a week where I felt really pretty rotten. Then I would rebound and feel good and have good energy for few days until I had another bout of the "flu". It's been an up and down trip - these past two months.

Barb and I purchased airline tickets to go to SoDak the last week of March to visit my mom, our sons from Calif. and Wash., brothers, and other family and friends. It is also the second weekend for Freeman's notorious spring food festival—Schmeckfest. We plan to see the musical "Big River" and take in the meal of German ethnic foods. My prayer is to be on a peak during that time and not in a valley.

Barb has been exceptionally busy with work (Mennonite Disaster Service). She and a co-worker have taken over making volunteer placements, since the Volunteer Placement Coordinator is on a extended maternity leave. On top of that she has her own plate full of projects!

Balancing work and taking care of me have been challenging for Barb. She is scheduled to attend a leadership conference in Canada in April but won't leave me at home alone. My pastor, Barry, suggested we could mount web cams in every corner of every room and Barb could keep an eye on me via the Internet with a "Rickycam". Seriously, son Charles has agreed to come and babysit me again, but we will wait to see if she goes and how I will be monitored.

We are looking at various "lifeline", "help. I've fallen and can't get up" medical alert devices (usually worn around the neck or wrist - but haven't decided which one works best for our situation.

I have kept busy digitizing some of my analog audio and selling off equipment on eBay. It feels good to ship off the equipment but there are headaches with eBay and I don't find it a whole lot of fun. I still have a few items to auction off.

That's the report for now and so glad I could share about my bowels again!!

Thanks for being a faithful follower and supporter of my life.

Rick

Still hanging around...

I'm sure by now many of you are curious as to my status. Since it's been nearly two months since my last post, I am writing this one under the premise that "absence makes the heart grow fonder".

Well, I'm still trying to "kick" cancer in the butt but the past month or so I've been pretty "low" one could say — no pep, no energy, feeling generally awful. My last chemo infusion was Dec. 17. Barb took me in last Wed., Jan 7 for my "routine" appointment of blood test, doctor visit and chemo ... but I was too weak. I told Angelique - the "human" oncologist assisting Dr. Yee - that earlier in the morning the very idea of going to the doctor's appointment was abhorrent to me. It was the first time in all my trips to the Cancer Institute that I felt "sick" about going through all the "ritual" another time.

I turns out my blood test showed that my hemoglobin and other blood quality markers were so low that I didn't have to advocate to skip chem. I was too sick and they put me in a chair for a blood transfusion of two units (350 ml each) of new blood. This was very time consuming but it sure did give me a much-needed boost. I also had two units of blood with my last chemo on Dec. 17.

Incidentally, I inquired why they call it a "transfusion" when no blood is taken out of me. They simply "topped me off" with an "infusion" of two units. The nurse agreed the term transfusion means take out and put in or "replace" but the term "transfusion" is also used for "infusion"???? This conundrum is up there with some other ones I have like "sea salt". Isn't ALL salt — including Morton't mined in Kansas — from the sea?

I asked for no chemo for a month so see if I can maintain more strength and well-being. Dr. Yee agreed I should plan to return Feb. 7 for blood test and to see if more therapy is viable.

I was asked the "are you depressed?" question last week which I said there are times when I am very discouraged. They also asked if I have lost interest in doing things. That is a definite "no". I have lots of things I want to do. The problem is I don't get much done in a day except keep holding down the toilet so it doesn't fly away. I also rest a fair amount which I credit helping me from getting any other flu, cold, pneumonia or other bugs of which there is an abundant amount flying around this winter here in PA. The "sharing time" at church last week was a long list of sick people. I am thankful that Barb and I both have avoided the flu pandemic... thus far anyway.

That's enough about my status. I am attaching our Season's Greetings for more about 2014 if you are interested. It was a year with some big "landmarks" - including keeping the Grim Reaper out of the house.

Peace.  Joy.  Love.

Our Wishes For You In 2015

January 2015

Dear Family and Friends,

This Seasons Greeting is either very tardy or very early. We are not sure which, so the decision is up to you. Maybe some of you will award a prize for both. (Special thanks to Wal-Mart for telling us what should take one day would be 2-1/2 weeks to get the prints and then, in the end, losing the order.)

Welcome to the Schrag’s Deal with the Real “2014-going-on-2015” letter. We have enjoyed letters and cards from so many of you. Thanks for keeping us on your list.  We trust that this update finds you and your families filled with memories of 2014 and optimistic about 2015.

Where in the world are the Schrags and what are they doing?

Barb and Ricky continue to live in Akron, PA. On Nov. 14, Ricky retired from Smilebuilderz LLC in Lancaster where he worked as a billing specialist.  After 15 years with Mennonite Central Committee, most recently as the Associate Director for Donor Relations, Barb took a new position with Mennonite Disaster Service as the Volunteer Development Team Leader.

Adam, Annie (Schmidt) and Owen (age 16 months) live in Fresno, Calif. Adam teaches in the Communications Dept. at Fresno Pacific University. Annie recently took a new position as the Development Manager for the Fresno Philharmonic.

Charles lives in Seattle, Wash., where he works for Catholic Community Services of Western Washington (CCSWW) as a Housing Case Manager for homeless men. His friend, Anna Harrington, is a Research Coordinator at the University of Washington.

What have Barb and Ricky been up to?

We started 2014 by ending a long era of mini-van ownership and purchased an SUV.

In March, we celebrated 41 years of marriage with a trip to Fresno, Calif., and Yosemite, visiting Adam, Annie, and Owen, as well as other friends living there.

Throughout the year Ricky had CT scans, chemotherapy and too numerous to tell doctor appointments related to his war on pancreatic cancer.

Family photo taken during the Fathers Day surprise trip. We had a blast! We are, l-r, Owen's mom, Annie Schmidt, and dad, Adam from Fresno, CA, Grandbee Schrag holding Owen (9 months at the time), "Pop-pop" Schrag, Charles Schrag and his special friend, Anna Harrington from Seattle. Wash. At this point Owen is heavy into "baby talk".

In June Barb gave Ricky a Fathers Day surprise — she successfully made a trip to the Philadelphia airport to pick up Adam and Charles along with Annie, Owen and Anna. They quietly snuck into the house while he was occupied in the bathroom. Unsuspecting of anything suspicious he was delighted with this Fathers Day gift.

A late summer road trip took us to Minneapolis, Freeman, SD, and Cass Lake, Minnesota. Owen, his parents and his dad’s brother were able to join us for parts of the trip. Everyone had a great time visiting extended family and friends.

A most unfortunate incident happened in Cass Lake when Ricky fell over a boat hitch and broke his back (3rd vertebrae). This only served to compound his health woes and eventually led to a week of hospitalization for complications from the broken back, internal bleeding from duodenal ulcers, an internal infection and low functioning kidneys, all complicated by a mass on the pancreas.  For those familiar with the TV show House, the week’s events could have easily been been a House script. “What else?” the attending Dr. shouted to the resident in training. “And how are you going to treat that? Next?”

In October, Ricky’s brothers, Reed from Freeman, SD, and John, from Santa Fe, NM, came to Akron to keep him company during one of Barb’s trips out of town for meetings. The following month Charles did the same while Barb was away.

On Dec. 5 we hosted (Barb executes, Ricky enjoys) a “Kickin’ Cancer” Open House in observance of Ricky surviving three years with pancreatic cancer. And to show appreciation for all the support given to us from our work and church communities. It was a huge success with about 80 friends attending. They enjoyed appetizers, punch, and each other’s company. Throughout the evening, we heard “So how do you know the Schrags?”  It was fun listening to the responses.

Here is a family "selfie" Adam set up with a tripod and timer feature. Notice my teeth are hiding. But I am very happy. Owen is 15 months old and very verbal and walking also. We enjoyed his (mostly) happy spirit and whimsical personality. 

Owen loved to go outside no matter how cold the temperature.
He loves scanning the sky for the moon and
really lifted our spirits with his pleasant and happy nature.

We ended 2014 and started 2015 with another great visit from Owen and a few of his closest friends and relatives.  It was a treat to have them in PA. We enjoyed hearing his new words; moon, pop-pop, meow and kitty and watching him gain his independence through walking. We cooked, played games and in general cherished every minute together.

As DEAL with the REAL continues into 2015, we are grateful for your support. Not only because Ricky has cancer but because we know you care about us. On December 24, 2011, Ricky started his blog with:

Here's the deal....

                                                    

After several weeks of procrastinating I've decided the smart thing is to start blogging as a means of communicating with my family and friends about my situation. I never gave much thought to having my own journal for anyone to read.

The blog post ended with “Best personal wishes at Christmas and throughout the New Year.” We extend those same wishes again to all of you for 2015.

Barb and Rick

Retirement: Boon or Bane?

Woe is me.

I'm not sure what that means. But I do know it is time to dust off the old blog!

This blog has more dust on it than my nightstand which, thanks to a fossil fuel-energized boiler has it's own fair share of grime on it. I was always told how clean hot water heat is, but have learned from experience that the need to clean increases with cold weather and the rattle-trap boiler running. Fuel oil is by far my least favorite energy source.

How is Ricky doing? Does the long absence portend problems?

The answer is the usual cancer "good news/bad news" thing.

Frankly, I just needed a blog break. I know I owe all you friends news updates and the last post has gone moldy. Posting to the blog just hasn't been a high priority. Sometimes a quiet interlude can be restful and peaceful. Think of me as having been on a Sabbatical or personal retreat.

My retirement from work was Nov. 14, a little more than one week ago. We had a farewell party catered and it was bittersweet. If I had my druthers I would have kept working but the energy level keeps dwindling and even 4-5 hours a day was often a challenge for me.

A co-worker asked what I was going to do with my new free time. "Kick Cancer," I answered, not really knowing what I will do or how I will handle being at home so much of my remaining time.

So after "skipping" a few chemo sessions because of feeling crappy, I resumed chemo again Nov. 19 and am scheduled for another infusion tomorrow. I am also taking the oral chemo tablets. The combination leaves me feeling ill much of the time. But I hope it is helping to "kick cancer".

The problem is: cancer kicks back. I have very little muscle left and virtually no fat on my bones. My weight loss has finally stopped at about 140 lb. in my birthday suit. Thank God for that. My pointy bones are a nuisance, especially my tail bone for sitting and my ribs for napping and my knock knees for fetal position sleeping. (I need to put a pillow or quilt between my legs so my knees don't bonk each other)

In summary, I feel my illness keeps taking a downward direction. Yet, far as we know it is still localized to the pancreas and hasn't invaded any other part of my innards yet. A CAT scan next month will hopefully confirm that.

My blood tumor marker has drifted upward a bit, but then I was off chemo for over a month.

I continue to have horrific digestive problems which are probably my #1 source of pain and discomfort.

My appetite is still good and I eat pretty much whatever I like and it doesn't seem to change the digestive problems.

I haven't had any pneumonia, colds or the like.

My broken back is healed and the associated pain has totally disappeared.

I am often very cold - shivering - and need the t'stat turned up. Hot tubs and hot showers and saunas I crave. (More fuel oil burned for hot water!!!)

I have difficulty sleeping when on oral chemo which is not fun. I have taken sleeping pills but am cautious due their habit forming tendencies.

So that is a blow-by-blow of how I am. Weak, tired, but still kicking.

FYI —Today (Tuesday before Thanksgiving) marks the third anniversary of the phone call from my family physician, Dr. Oh, that I have a mass on my pancreas. I will never forget what a dark day that was. The "official" cancer diagnosis came just before Christmas 2011 - three years ago. I am thankful for having lived this long and have exceeded the normal life expectancy of those with pancreatic cancer.

Now — about retirement. So far I haven't felt too bored as I have much to do. The transition from a group health plan from work to Medicare is not going as smoothly as I had hoped and was led to believe and getting answers to questions from Medicare is no simple task. Also, following up on insurance claims is time consuming and tedious. So I have been on the phone and emailing plenty. I have tasks with year-end work on my church Stewardship (read 'budget') Committee which I chair. I need to go through oversize clothes, sell stuff, etc.

So there is lots to do. The problem is I get so little done in a day. Maybe that's good if the work fills the day instead of getting the work done and then going stir crazy!

My biggest concern with quitting work is that I will become depressed and all this "me-time" will cause me to cave in on myself, so to speak. I force myself to go out and take short walks around the bustling borough of Akron and that is helpful, but as winter approaches, I will find that more a "chore" than I may want to do. Who knows?

So I'm not sure about retirement. If I had energy, I could volunteer, but I slowed down too much for that - I think. Maybe not. Maybe something will come up. Until then though I have what seems like a mountain of stuff to tend to. (I know it isn't that much, but it seems like it)

So my request from you is your prayers and wishes that "retirement" does not result in depression.

Being Thanksgiving week it is especially appropriate for me to post my thanks to all you faithful blog followers (I may have lost some readers with this long "lull") and others for your continued support.

Blessings to all,

Ricky